Midlife Crisis or Midlife Refresh?
A conversation for men at the middle of life crossroads, more commonly referred to as midlife crisis.
“What is the point of my life?”
“What happened to my passion and purpose?”
“Where do I go from here?”
What Is The Point Of It All?
That is the key question. Or, if we were to break it down a bit, it may be more like…
- What is the point of my existence?
- Am I living my best possible life?
- Where did my passion and purpose go?
- When did I loose sight of my goals?
- What happened and where did I go wrong?
These, and others like them are all important questions at any stage of life. More so than ever, they are questions that people are asking. The recent global pandemic has thrown many people into that line of thinking.
Pre-COVID few people took the time to dig beneath the surface of daily life and explore what lies at the heart of existence. However, more people than ever before people are waking up to the realisation that the daily routine of ‘work-eat-sleep-repeat’ might not be our purpose for living.
From my research, it is a bit of a first-world problem. Unlike Eastern cultures, our Western education is about giving us the tools to find work. Suppose you are looking for the answers to passion, purpose, inspiration, fulfilment and meaning. For that, you are on your own.
Pre-COVID, it was generally hitting midlife that gave rise to these life searching questions. So let us park the COVID realisations; in essence that is just another catalyst for introspection. The point is, when we reach a certain stage in life, these questions take on a whole new meaning. So let’s take a deeper look at midlife.
The Midlife Question
Everyone who lives long enough will get to experience some form of midlife moment. For some it will be an easy transition, but for others it is a shocking revelation. It raises questions such as “I am more than halfway to the grave” and “I did not sign up for my current reality”. Midlife is a time when the cracks in the mirror start to appear. Regrets, disappointments and emotions come to the surface. Shame, guilt or anger take hold. These uncomfortable feelings make it hard to see any golden opportunities that a midlife crisis can bring.
At what point in life are you?
Are you where you expected to be?”
Are you motivated and happy?
You Are Not Alone
Of course, midlife transition is not unique to men, but it is different to the experience many women face. Thousands of men struggle with this transition and have no place to take their questions or explore their options. So ‘Midlife Crisis’ has become a cliche that is the butt of many jokes in film, media and in conversations with other mid-lifers. Such as…
“He bought a sports car and a leather jacket to recapture his lost youth” or
“He’s traded her in for a younger model”.
Of course it’s obvious that the car and jacket won’t bring back youth, and the younger woman may seem more fun than the woman who has stood by you for years, but in the end it is a temporary solution to a deeper problem.
Please Don’t Go There
So, back to those existential questions. They have their roots in history, culture and personal experience. How you embrace them will determine your trajectory into the future. The point is, you are on this bus whether you like it or not. This is your life and you have just got to decide whether you are the driver or the passenger. The challenge is recognising the difference. You may think you have your hand on the wheel but someone else is deciding the route.
Are you ready to choose your own journey and grasp the real adventure, or are you willing to sit back and let external forces be your guide?
Here’s a revealing statistic…
An ONS report find that people aged 40-59 are the least happy and most anxious!
Are you amongst them?
A Catalyst For Change
Most men in secure jobs, with nice families and comfortable lives stay in that place of familiarity. Time passes, daily routines become monthly and yearly routines. There is nothing wrong with this, it is natural to want stability and comfort. However, on the other hand, a slowly simmering dissatisfaction with life can suddenly reach a boiling point that literally takes people by surprise.
Life is not always as stable and comfortable as it seems.
The boiling point is the system shock that triggers midlife crisis. Sometimes it is a forced career change, a redundancy, relationship separation, divorce, or serious health issue that drives the realisation.
But it does not need to be that shattering. It can also be normal life transitions such as a close bereavement or children leaving home, getting married or having children of their own. Over the past 18 months it has been world events that have given mid-lifers the opportunity to think about the deeper questions in life.
Expected or unexpected, life change is a trigger for re-evaluation of the current situation. Let’s get you back in the driving seat.
My Midlife Model
While midlife is my focus because I have been there, the problem is universal. Humanity has become disconnected from what it means to be part of the human race. Modern life has just pushed us further from the truth than ever before.
We have been told that money status and buying stuff will make us happy. We live busy, technologically connected lives but have become less connected with the humans around us. And we have become more insular in our interactions and opinions and even more disconnected from who we really are. It’s no wonder then that midlife crisis is such a thing.
Back in 2017 when I hit my bottom, I knew something had to change. All I wanted was to get back some zest for life. I needed to know I had value and that I could, and was, making a positive contribution to the world.
In my pain, I sort the advice of others. I asked lots of questions and it worked, I found my place as a podcast host. Since then I have developed my experience into a model by drawing on my coaching skills and personal development history.
The Five Questions
I have found it interesting how many of the guests on my show have said that the journey we take in our conversation through The Five Questions has pushed them to consider their life from a new perspective.
These are people who appear to have already explored all the vital questions about life, passion and finding purpose through the work that they do. It has made me realise that the five questions I created as a vehicle to find my own answers are powerful tools and worth sharing and exploring with others in their personal development.
They point to the realization that life does not come with a set meaning or purpose. You have to decide what it is for you.
Only you can decide what matters to you and go forth to fully explore life in that context, and as a coach I am here to support you.
Uncovering The Answers
Coaching with me can help you redefine your values and purpose. Together we explore and reconnect you with your passion. We uncover what winning and being successful means to you and how you can make a meaningful contribution to your life and the lives of those around you.
Through the five questions and many other tools and techniques I have created or acquired, I can support you in looking after yourself, your body, your mind and your future health. Finally, you will have the opportunity to fully explore and answer the key question at the top of this page and reveal what the real point of life is for you.
I offer this over 6 sessions. And yes, I believe that is all it takes, so long as you do the work. But if you wish coaching sessions can continue further. Our time together is your opportunity to explore and discover the life you want to live then go ahead and make it happen.
One Last Thing To Consider
Because my coaching technique is all about personal discovery, it’s important to know that this process is right for you before we embark on the coaching journey. It’s also important for our coaching relationship that you feel comfortable and supported by me. So let’s see if we fit.
If you are curious to take this further, use the link below to book a FREE Exploration Session. It is our opportunity to get to know each other and feel sure about going ahead with coaching sessions.
Book an exploration chat today
If you’re not sure you are ready for one-to-one coaching with me, The Five Questions eBook is a good place to begin your journey. On the website there is a free taster to get you started, and the full eBook includes a lot of the concepts I believe are important to explore in personal development and coaching.
If you want to know more about me before booking anything, you can discover a lot through the website and even more by listening to my weekly Shortcasts.
Wherever you are on your journey, I wish you well and look forward to meeting you whenever you are ready.